How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
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