It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
i can't believe i had my finger in that
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
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