i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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