therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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