Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Randomize
