I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Randomize
