Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Randomize
