Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Randomize
