I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
Randomize
