My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Randomize
