A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
My vagina just recognized that song.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Randomize
