Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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