I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Randomize
