"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
