My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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