Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Randomize
