So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
