We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Randomize
