You work out of a Hotel?
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Randomize
