I'm drive I can fine osifer
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
