Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
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