Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
I think i peed on brittanys purse
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
