Nicole vs. Life
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
