Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
