Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
