the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
