but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize
