I should be sponsored by Trojan
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Randomize
