Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
is that a dick in a sweater?
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
