I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Randomize
