You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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