Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
