My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
