Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Randomize
