I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
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