please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize