they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
