This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
