you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
