shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
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