Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
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