I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize
