When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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