Don't make out with my wife yet
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
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