Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Randomize
