i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
