I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
