Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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