He uses pillows to masturbate.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Randomize
