I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
You're a waste of cheezeits
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
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