Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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