last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Randomize
