I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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