Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Randomize
