I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Randomize
